misery

i dont understand..how is it that i'm becoming more and more strange and weird.

stimes i even feel afraid for myself.

when things arent turning out ok,

it just ticks me off so badly that i'd just give up hope altogether and won't even bother trying to make things right.

why?

maybe cos i've tried making something right before - but, it was just pure hopeless.

like seriously, i need help.

i don't know what the heck is wrong with me.

here in melb, i'm like the QUEEN of the Queen of Laziness, Procrastination + Bummer.

no kidding.

i have no motivation at all, and i mean it..at all.

even when some part of my brain is yelling out loudly to me:

"GET A GRIP, LADY. TIME TO STOP ZONING OFF AND FRIGGING DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL IN YOUR LIFE."

but nonetheless,

i still wont heed to it.

back in those uni days..

yeah..i could wake up to go to uni regardless of what time classes were.

be it 10am, 9am, or even 8am.

i'd never miss a class.

i'd drag my butt out of bed and go to uni.

but now?

bed is like my best friend of friends.

laziness is like my soulmate.

emotional retardedness is like my right hand man.

nothing is working out for me at all.

maybe it's cos that the future is so blur ahead of me?

i dono what to expect, i donno what to look forward to..

and the worst bit is,

i dont give a damn about trying to make things work at all.

im like a balloon gone loose.

no more air or life left within.

i keep trying to do something that's meaningless beyond meaningless already.

holding on to something that's exceedingly out of my sight already.

"Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go." - The Wonder Years

and now, im just hopelessly trying to cling myself on to anything that seem good enough.

like wtf?

and i feel like puking again (not what u think it is).

what i need most right now,

is a hand to pull me out of this lonely and stupid lifestyle of mine.