i need self control.

waaaaaaaa.

i spent again!!!!

BUT, BUT...

trying on those pretty dresses and clothes makes me so happpyyyyy haha.

:D

especially when i look good in them.

why can't we girls just get any clothes we want for free? =D

it'll be a much happier world for sure? HAHA.

alannah hill headband, yums.

two tops from bardot, yums.

i wanted the bardot denim dress too but mo chin ahhhhh )=

and also the dotti dresssss. =x

ok, no more shopping babeh.

makan makan makan!

oh mama.

i bet with ya my stomach's damn satisfied.

not too sure about my brain though..

all the food i consumed!

ate at china bar signature buffet.

really worth it for sure, good price for reasonably good food.

http://www.chinabarsignature.com/

oh gosh.

about time i bond with the gym..

been ditching it for two weeks dy )=

and i bet with ya my bed misses me too.

wow i so need to let the shiats outta my body now. heehee.

can't blif i'm actually watching world cup now.

well, not really watching but the tv's on. ned just scored a goal

what country is ned anyway? =D OH, netherlands haha.

waiseh..js been eating these few days.

dangerous....

i need to do my laundryyyyyyy.lol.

and damn spontaneous, today me and cheryl each bought a pair of studded red flats from general pants. it was like buy one get one free!

(:

spontaneous.

haha feels good to be spontaneous.

but there's the risk of doing stg stupid since i'm not exactly using my brain very well at the moment.

excitement, excitement.

really need those now.

dayum.

probably should have watched paranormal activity with cheryl and the rest js now but i was busy doing stg else.

now cheryl's too freaked out, haha.

went to phillip island 2day with cheryl and kai han for a day trip.

visited A Maze N things..it was alright.

at least a trip somewhere to take my mind off things.

the most interesting and exciting part of that place was the free fall thing we did.

had to hang onto the monkey bar which was like at least 50ft high, then let go on free fall then slided down..

damn chun man. =D

that totally cheered me up abit.

what next? (:

spontaneous laaahhhh.

the backup plan.

the happy carol's gonna be back soon.

just give me say... 2 weeks? hehe.

and im pretty sure i'll be alright again. woots.

so my backup plan for now..

1. go on trips - been asking friends to plan trips and bring me places haha

2. shopping

3. check out cool cafes and restaurants; gonna go to some buffet place at boxhill monday night

4. watch series

5. crash friends' place

6. drinking

7. movies

8. work

9. city, city, cityyyyyy. just hang with friends and talk crap for all i care.

hrmmm pretty long list, no? =D haha.

seems like i'm gonna be on another very long vacation before i hit work life.

i reckon i should be saying, "crap, i'm doomed for."

but instead, i'm gonna say "ahh, this is how life should be."

:D

xoxo

goodbye.

it's for the best, huh?

i didn't understand what he was doing for us, i didnt.

but i guess i kinda do now.

stubbornness so strong from both sides, yet i had no choice but to give in.

wanted to spend the remaining days with him

but

in a way it'd just make us both more depressed and sad when the time comes for him to finally leave?

i guess that kinda make sense..but just that my stubbornness and reluctance to give in clouded my thinking. all i had in my mind was that "i wanna spend time with him while i still can.."

i dont care if i'm gonna hurt more later since making more memories tgt is not gonna do us any good since there won't be a "us" in the end.

i guess girls and guys really do think differently.

girls just do things and then think abt the consequences later.

but guys like him, actually think about what's best for each of us.

he said: "trust me, i'm doing this for the better".

ok, despite wanting to spend at least a last date together..

i guess i will just have to do with never even seeing him again till he leaves.

and who knows when will the next time be till we meet again.

and of cos, things will be so different.

it'll hurt then..when that time comes.

but it wouldnt be worse then how i feel now.

everywhere i go, i can't help thinking.

last night at seven, was pure disaster.

i couldn't smile. i really couldnt.

i felt helpless, i felt lost, i felt hurt.

we had memories there at seven too.

and hearing the same song playing made me breakdown.

make me wanna just crawl into a nice, isolated hole and hide in there forever.

i wouldnt know what to do if not for my friends.

thanks so much peeps. i really, really appreciate it.

and sorry for showing my emo-ness so much.

and now..i guess i'm just gonna say..

goodbye for now.

cousin.

had a great chat with Billy on Msnnn

kinda cleared up my mind abit..

and i feel much better now.

had a couple of laughs too.

made him anti- someone that he's never even spoken to before.

and then he randomly posted a wiki link of a Angora rabbit to me.

haha.-_- it's basically just a whole ball of furry being. haha. his convo with abby.

〖 abï 〗~☆彡 says:

cute omg so cuteeeeeeeee

billy to me: i was like

frozen in time

haha

like in my head was all "omg omg omg omg omg omgggggg omg omg omg omg"

LMAO.

billy: abi going gila dy. the rabbit so UGLY right.

HAHA

iOS 4!!!

shittttt.

i just checked out the new features they have for iOS4..seems damn good weh.

saw the updated version of the iphone too..

like can multitask, can create folders for ur apps, got 5x zoom for the camera, can tap to focus when you wanna video..

actually the new iphone itself looks damn sexy also. haha.

so i'm figuring out how to actually upgrade my phone to the latest firmware.

but apparently i shouldnt dload the latest firmware yet since i wanna keep my phone unlocked.

but currently trying to jailbreak my phone to the 3.1.3 firmware.

not that it makes much diff i think..but i feel like my phone damn outdated since it's on 3.0.1 firmware.haha

fingers crossed that it'll work out fine since i'm a bloody computer noob kinda. haha

*sighs*

the button's been pushed.

i realised that..

i cant be myself at all in front of someone that i like.

well, i guess that's normal cos ppl tend to be more cautious about what they do and all since they care what the other person thinks.

but..

is it really normal for most ppl?

cos i realised i really have this huge problem.

i totally cannot talk to them like how i would normally talk to a good friend.

like just freaking joke around and shit.

but the thing is, i can totally talk at ease using whatsapp/text/msn.

anything not involving talking in person.

haha.

awkwardness and acting uncomfortable..that's not bound to happen right?

i am definitely weird.

really something that i need to work on )=

i guess it's just how i am..i'm always paranoid and afraid that i do stg stupid/silly.

but that shouldnt be the case right?

i should totally be at ease, and be the least embarrassed or shy in front of the other half.

lol, anyhoo..the title of the post.

what i'm referring to is that..

now i'm trying to be more carefree and freaking fix that problem i js mentioned earlier.

but then again, it doesn't freaking matter much anyway.

just need to train myself for when the next one comes along haha.

almost finish watching season 1 of supernatural!

it is pretty good stuffs. heard that this series gets better.

cant wait..

today last min boss called me to work.

bah.

this week gonna work for like 4 or 5 days again.

but seven this fridaayy????

hrmmm.

again.

it happened again.

bah.

so frustrating.

is it just that there's something wrong with me?

or that i'm just being stupid trying?

haha.

went to westfield fountain gate todayyy.

and i deposited cash $$$ from work into my bank account!

woots.

and i almost, ALMOST didnt shop at all..

but ended up getting myself a cute mickey night wear and a boxers for a total of $15.

-_-

well..at least that was all.

and, and..we bought krispy kreme too!

oh, forgot to mention that i went there with some workmates..

then later after that went over to her place and had donuts and lambbb and salad. (:

so totally skipping dinner tonite..at least that was what me and my friend said earlier.

but..i'll pbb get hungry some time around 9 or ten ish..so yeah.

i might js eat stg.

fatness

haha ok, here goes a typical girl again.

complaining about being fat when they're just skins and bones.

which in my case...it's not so true.

i'm feeling the fats on me face now...dayum.

and on me legs...dayum.

and on me thighs...

and me waist and stomach. HAHAHAHA

ok this can totally be explained by (at least that's what i think)..

me eating late dinners..and eating more than what i normally eat.

which can also be explained by my lack of gym workouts due to my work.

AND

it can also be explained by one of my many sacrifices and effort that i put in. (hidden meaning =D) haha

man..i dont wanna look chubby in photos.

cos it's kinda like important that i look nice in photos that will be taken these few weeks. =p

shucks.

imma eat my dinner now + watch supernatural.

my wish list.

like everyone else..i too, have a wish list.

luckily, that doesn't include clothes anymore.

for some reason I'm not that keen to shop anymore, pbb cos i'm occupied now for the time being.

my wish list:-

1. a car

- it has become quite a pain to take public transport to travel everywhere now

2. a small digital camera

- ok, i know i have a freaking dslr, but it can be quite troublesome to bring around when i'm just out shopping or having a cup of coffee with some friends.

a canon powershot-sx210 IS?

Ann introduced this cam to me..but now there's really not much reason for me to get one anymore.

3. visit japan, korea, europe.. and any other places i've never been to.

- would be great to be able to visit places without any worries over the obligations in life like studying or working. if only life is that easy.

4. a steady job

- i might sound like a hypocrite..since i said i want a job, but yet i'm doing not much to achieve that. haha. i'm practically like a lil spoilt brat waiting for a job offer to miraculously pop up out of nowhere. lol.

5. be at two places at once

- i so wanna be able to spend my life with my parents and family back home. but yet, i want an independent life by myself too. -_- it's pbb cos here i have freedom and no restrictions whatsoever, but i tend to get lonely stimes too despite having alot of friends here. and also another reason which you wouldnt want to me to get started on, or else it's just gonna turn out to be another emo post =p

there's probably more that i want but i can't be bothered writing more.

bah.

i was about to say that i really should start getting serious with my life here in Melbourne.

feel like bitch slapping myself for talking but always not doing anything about it.

damn hopeless lah me.

m&ms and lollis.

i have this sudden cravings for chocs.

uh-ohs.

and i seem to be eating alot lately.

like my idea of alot is when i eat till i actually feel full.

totally dislike the feeling when i feel too full cos it just makes me feel blotted and uncomfortable.

boo.

OMGGGG by Usher is yums.

(=

and here's the remix that poots' totally in love with, and i'll gladly share it with you guys.

15 more days.

you.

despite telling myself it's gonna be ok..

that it doesnt matter and that i can move on like u've never been part of my life before,

i can't help but admit that those are all just lies.

lies. lies.

just so maybe,

i will be able to move on easily and continue on with my normal life like i never came across u at all.

i cant help but think about how u will move on easily like i never mattered to you at all.

considering your past incidents with others.

if only, i can have some supernatural talent like a "listener" from legend of the seeker that'll allow me to read minds..and just so i can know what's on your mind.

you're still like a person filled with mysteries to me.

there are many things that i don't know about you.

i wish there'd be more time and chance for me to get to know you more.

i want to, i really do.

like how i realised how childish u can be at times; making me laugh cos of ur silliness.

how when u feel cold, u won't even complain to me at all..but instead just walk on silently with that particular expression on ur face.

like how u were so scared of heights the other time at st kilda..and acted like a lil kid who's afraid he'll fall off any moment.

like how u'd make time for me despite having plans already..and moved ur plans to another night.

and like how.. u can be such a stupid ass stimes and rather watch world cup then go fetch me from the station with your friend's car; or chat with ur cousin or watch supernatural instead of replying me on whatsapp.

and now..we'll never be able to share more memories together..

me getting high and you taking care of me again.

or me pigging on biscuits and you eating from your whole tub of yoghurt.

or me bullying you while ur body aches all over from gym.

and other countless things i wanna do with you.

a vacation somewhere, celebrating special occasions tgt..going to a ball tgt.

u are seriously the best thing that ever happened to me.

if only things were different, and u didnt have to leave.

ok. i must be mad, as mr pan says.

i think i am too.

Defqon?

Defqon anyone?

Kinda into trance and hardstyle music recently.

not that i know much abt it..js that the music's pretty good.

i wanna know where i can download the albums..kinda noob at this man. haha.

ohh, i set up a tumblr account too. but then...

i have no idea how to use it. LOL

super noob man me.

so guess i'll js stick to blogspot.

AND i dont even know how to delete the tumblr account. lol

feel damn stupid sia..haha

family & friends

i have awesome family + friends.

even if i feel lonely and down..

their small actions and words can lift my mood and put a smile on my face.

donno how i can live without them.

<3

"It is not the end of the world."

wokays.

got it.

what i've been doing for the first half of 2010

so what have i been doing since 2010?

went back to kch for abt two months from early jan till early march.

always good to be back, to catch up with loved ones and meet up with old mates.

so, the few highlights of my short trip back to kch includes Ann's visit to kch for the weekend.

basically just brought her around to eat, and visited some friends' place. i dont think we brought her around much for some reason. i am an absolutely lousy tour guide haha.

but we did go to piccadillys for some drinks.

on her last day at kch, ron actually brought her prawnfishing which she did enjoy i think.

good trip back to kch, thats for sure. met old high schoolmates, and even made a couple of new friends. fun ppl indeed.

not to forget cny! the usual cny visits to ppl's house, collecting red packets..

gambling and eating cny junks.

decided to give fringe a try..it was pure disaster. i frigging looked like a chinadoll or someone who tried to cut her hair by herself and ended up screwing it. well, it did kinda looked alright in the group pic below..but after going for another more proper haircut(whole head), my fringe was bizarre all over again. sobs. major hair disaster/nightmare which caused me a couple of laughs and bad comments from friends after i came back to melb.

karaoke seshs back in kch. we actually went karaoke for quite a few times. cuzzie went back to kch too.

then back in melb.

bak decided to visit for two weeks since he have ntg better to do cos of the long wait till sep or stg before he head down to uk.

brought him to the zoo (damn boring), breakkies, visited mt dandenong and had absolutely yummy scones at ms marples and pies from pie in the sky!

the famous giant chair.

scones!

last dinner with bak before he left.

tried playing dodgeball.

then the usual seshs at seven.

pic with ellyn.

clubbing when jolyn and rod was still around in melb.

pics say it all..i lazy to comment more lah. haha this was at Lions at melb central..was jolyns farewell drink session before she left for good.

ahhh.. and not to forget shopping. did quite alot of it man. bloody hell. broke like shit. esp those online shopping seshs. bloody ripped me off! pfft.

oh and also karaoke yet again back in melb here when bak came too. ok i'm getting bored rambling all this shit now here. haha most ppl just frigging look at the pics anyway.

jolyns graduation day! so lucky to have so many friends ard..unlike my grad..most friends were back in their home country )= but at least i had my family over as well as uncle and cousins from syd. hehe

siaw sook and michael visited from syd again to watch the f1 grand prix..thats siaw sook taking photos of the f1 racing cars. did i mention that i absolutely love the sound of the f1 racing cars? yums. haha

this was at boon's place where the girls were fiddling ard with jolyns boxes of jewelleries and other stuffs which she didnt manage to bring back to msia.. girls. it was like those ahmas snatching goods at a night market haha.

then there was also the housewarming party at kui's, caleb's and tim's.

notts nightouts. nott's a pub whereby monash students visit mainly on thurs nights to hang out. met new friends too. abit sien how new friends that i meet these days are all getting younger and younger. i mean they are either the same age as me or a few years younger. -_- unlike how i used to always be the younger one since my friends were mostly one or two years older. oh wells, shows that i'm aging and not all that young anymore i reckon? haha.

with kynan (:

absolutely fun group of friends. asians ftw!

then there was this night that i went seven with just cheryl..sarah and her friends were there for posse posse's 21st. a night to rmbr? i guess so.. cos i actually did stg out of the ordinary. pursuing stg and making a move for the first time for stg i want? haha

met up with vyn too :) great catch up we had. went to maxbren at the glen.

gordons bday at some pizza place.

my 21st at VII baby.

errr i guess thats all for now. i'm pretty sure i left out alot.

so basically my half year here in melb covers just bumming ard ALOT

making new friends

hanging out

night sessions at tenren with dn, ann, cheryl, poots etc

sleepovers at cheryls

girls night out

nights at seven etc (mind ya, a lot of cutting down dy...imma so over clubbing)

some lame attempts job hunt but always failed to achieve much.

bloody fail lah me....i really donno what to expect for the future dy.

i totally need everything to be laid out for me lehhhh

and i met someone i really liked, er ok like, not liked.

but i guess things werent meant to be so..despite being the most happiest girl a few weeks back..soon i'm gonna be the most unhappy girl around?

someone told me, "it is not the end of the world.."

but, i take this really seriously. i dont go into stg merely for fun.

oh whatever.

haha time to sleep baby.

but for some odd reason i'm not tired at all.

save me.

my 21st bday!

suddenly have this urge to blog..so here i am uploading pics from my 21st this year. sure do feel old, officially an adult. yet, i dont think i've matured much and i definitely do not feel in any way like an adult. still want to enjoy life and bum ard like a freaking teenager. w/o a single care abt the responsibilities and commitments that i hafta face sooner or later. ok, going off topic.

so basically, i had my bday dinner at this korean BBQ restaurant called hwaro.

the food was alright, but i guess it was kinda pricey for the amount of food they served.

after dinner, went to cho gao for some drinks, and had my cake there.

erm, sorry but the pics are kinda jumbled up. i cbb arranging them properly, so i js randomly uploaded the first pic i saw. HAHA then on may 7th, had another more party celebration down at seven. surprisingly, i did not get bounced!

wtf, u have no idea. nearly everyone, like seriously everyone had no faith in me.

they were like.."carol, pls dont get kicked out.."

had this bet with a friend that i wouldnt get bounced before 2am, and i won!

won myself a nice bday dinner treat =p teehee. but all in all, had a pretty decent and fun 21st.

mind ya, i might look really red in some of the pics below but i was not drunk. i just get red really easily. NO ONE wanted to give me drinks.. helooooo?? have more faith in me pls. LOL opened three bottles of drink but i only had one cup? wth right?!! pfft.

thats me and my closest guy friend, pootsssss. :) him and his half-blinking eyes EVERYTIME he takes photos with me. lol

sarah, me and fern.

sarah a.k.a my junior from lodge.

why is everyone ard me so young nowadays? -_-

sarah wong min minggggg

ellyn! she's like only 19. zzz

my beloved ladies :)

shiishii a.k.a julian

sure feels great to have good friends and company to celebrate a bday with (:

lihfern.

ann baby <3>

the four of us missing jolyn.

me, ting, ann

deaannneeeee

gordon

louisss

me and ann again. hehe

lee yi.

me and wenzaaooo, the other bday boy.

mel liu.

it was crazy glasses night, we got free 3d glasses upon early entry. lol.

me blowing cake at cho gaoooo.

ok i got lazy with the captions.

haha.

but yeah, im offiically OLD. bah.

despite spending one of the most memorable and fun bdays of my life, i can't be happy all the time. lol.

gonna make the most of what i have now.

it might seem that i have the life of a God now or whatever u wanna call it since i'm basically just bumming ard doing ntg whilst the others hafta cram loads of lectures into their brain..

i am completely at a lost.

i doonnno what to expect, what to do, what to want, what to think, what to look fwd to.

ok here fcking goes emo Carol again.

and yes, now i swear openly.

i have this gp of friends that seriously swear nearly every single sentence. it's hilarious in a way. lol.

i js worked everyday since tues till today, and it sure is tiring. at least it takes my mind off things i guess. sydney in august baby :)