perhaps?

just read amy's blog..
and i was thinking perhaps..
i myself am wearing a mask as well..

being the infamous blur queen?
maybe im used to hiding behind that "title" now...that i just act blur all the time anyways
when in fact, i dont think im all that blur at all
i wont deny that im fear of being judged by others..
so whatever feelings/opinions that i have, were never expressed..

which leads to the point where i almost never judge someone else cos of my own thoughts.
im an easily swayed being thats for sure..
cos whenever i hear bad things abt others,
do i actually defend a friend, or agree to what others say abt them?
no.
but instead my perception abt someone changed slowly.
maybe cos a person's being talked abt behind their backs-which doesnt lead to anything good?
i have no idea.

and often times bcos of the way i am, im on the verge of losing close friends..
i never try and find out the real reason behind things,
i just go with the flow.
which is bad.

thinking back to the past,
i often wonder now, why did i drift apart from my friends?
like when i got promoted..for some reason, i lost all my friends from the year below.
i know the problems lie within me, myself, and no one else.
and i cant seem to remember the reasons why.

and also perhaps of fear of being judged by others,
and also fear of the truth rubbed right in my face,
i almost lost another friend back then.

and im pretty sure my thoughts are all over the place. cant seem to express it properly. o.O